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  • Writer's pictureAini

Beginnings & Endings or Endings & Beginnings?

Updated: Oct 26, 2020

Well, it has been a bit since I've sat down and written on the blog. I've put it off and away from me because it's quite strange to experience the past month all over again, but here I go. So September 20th is when I wrote the last 'real' post. And even that one was more of a culmination of abandoned thoughts... I need to be better about that - now that I've got the time! And with that, I'd like to take the second to announce and put it in writing (which makes it more real to my mind) that I've resigned from my position as Digital Data Executive from Google to pursue my passions.


Quitting a job during a pandemic while people are out there unable to find work. Well, at least I'm opening up a spot for someone that needs it. (I really truly hope and pray for the success of that person that might get that position <3 such a wonderful guy). Yeah, quitting during the pandemic, a stable position with a certain future, no advancement options. Repetitive, monotone, and the regular need for eye and/or mind-bleach. Yeah, that's what I want to spend eight hours a day on. 2020 made me realize how precious our time on this planet is and how quickly that time passes right by us without us even noticing...

December, I realized I want to see so much more of this world next to my soulmate. January, I realized drawing is fun again (but I lacked inspiration). February, I realized I had lost enough weight to love myself again. March, I realized I loved myself enough to leave the house again, experience the things I always wanted to-

Life can change at any moment.

March, I managed to visit Disneyland with my new group of friends. My coworkers, I've somewhat started to open up to- a day later, we were told Google is going on Work From Home - Basis for the unforeseeable future. April, I was still busy getting our apartment ready for indefinite work-from-home arrangements for both my husband and me.

May, I slowly started playing with creating and retaking photos of myself, I loved it, but I lacked drive, passion, and ideas. June, I realized I turned 30, and I had nothing to show for it. I wanted to travel somewhere - I mean during the before times - I planned to travel SOMEWHERE, but I guess we used that day to leave the house for a leisure activity for the first time. I got the most beautiful crystal necklace from my husband at an antique store that he let me drag him to. I can't imagine how tedious that must've been for him to endure lol. July, I realized it was my 10th wedding anniversary, and those dreams of a fun little trip vanished into thin air as well. Then a day later, I stumbled upon AiDungeon. I found my muse. I began dressing up. Before I knew it, I had stories I fell so in love with that I needed to draw them. Then I also started to stream. I wanted to see if I could consistently stick to something every single day for at least a month. Did I really have the dedication? Or would I drop this like any other fad I temporarily fall in love with before I abandon it? August, I realized I found what I loved to do. 40 days later, I was still at it, hardcore. I decided I needed a break because I was working 8 hours a day on top of it. It wasn't feasible. I was soaring and loving the streaming and creating, but I was also suffering because there were 8 hours I could have used for something I'm passionate about.

I always wanted to draw my own characters again, but something inside of me stopped me from sitting down and coming up with new ideas - well, now thanks to AiDungeon, I have a waterfall of things I want to do and draw and craft and... well! It started slowly September ... wasn't so good. My grandmother passed away, and the whole affair before, during, and after her death has left me with a realization. 2020 sucks, sure, but it only sucks because I realized SO many things I still want to do! I kept on trucking. I pushed away those feelings, I cut down the streaming and focused on my art and creative writing, and oh boy, that gave me the final push.

I've drawn more in a week than in the past 5 years combined.

I hadn't felt such joy in creating in so long!

However, from that moment on, I realized how unhappy I was. You'd think a somewhat well-adjusted adult with a somewhat easy job and no real problems shouldn't have much to whine about. The day I wrote my resignation letter (with the help of AID yes, I am insane.) and consequently handed it in to quit on the spot was so freeing. I've found the will to be physically active again, and I'm slowly starting to get my household back in order. I'm entering a transitional phase and I can't wait to fully throw myself into being creative full time.

October, I am working on a long list of ideas and projects that I will start on soon, the moment I feel like my apartment and life is under control - right now, I am still in a transitioning phase where I'm focusing on my love and household before I can fully jump back into the next stage of my plans! I never realized how many ideas are swirling in my head of things I want to do, and oh boy, am I excited to get started!

So, I am off to enjoy my new beginning, as an artist.

A free artist.

Free to pursue my dreams.

The future is now mine.

A future of happiness, sadness, joy, pain, and everything in between.

It's a future that scares and excites at the same time.

What could possibly go wrong?

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