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  • Writer's pictureAini

I can't hold all these feels about Social Media

Alright, where do I start?

The past few weeks, I've had my mind swirling with thousands of projects, ideas, and most of all, I am bursting with creative energy. If I could, I would clone myself, so I could pursue all these activities while I lock one of my copies into the closet to handle my 8-hour workday (I guess I would have mercy and rotate which of my clones has to deal with that, but I digress)

After starting my Twitch channel, I quickly threw together a Discord channel to direct my viewers and fellow AiDungeoners there to consume whatever content I produce. However, it quickly turned into a meme sharing platform, which is excellent, but I'm still left looking at all my work: art, writing, photos, etc. I feel like it has no real home.

So I made a Reddit board. That seemed like a decent idea, but is it? I have not a clue of knowledge of how people genuinely handle Reddit, so that has gathered cobwebs - but I post my most exciting things there still - whenever I remember to do so, that is...

Okay, so Reddit is good for art/screencaps, but really... what I want is other eyes on my creative writing. After two months with AiDungeon, I gathered a few stories SO dear to my heart that I want to send them off into the world for others to see. I sat down for hours in Grammarly to edit them, fix their issues, refine them, etc.

I poured my heart and soul into creating these worlds/characters, and I want to share them!

Let me take a quick pause here and mull over those words.

I want others to see my work.


I'm honestly not sure. I feel all these emotions when I create, and I am almost ashamed to admit that I am incredibly proud of what I've made! Finally, something I've done is 'polished' enough to toss it against the wall! Maybe it will stick?!

For years I've hidden away my art, myself my emotions... worrying about the degree of it's polish SO MUCH that I'd decide it's not worth it. There's this feeling that unless something is 'perfect' in all possible aspects, it isn't worth sharing - regardless of what it is. Thanks, social media!

At the beginning of the year, I mentioned taking baby steps with my mental state and creative works, and I feel like I'm still stuck on this one.

Anyway. What is the final goal of putting my work out there? My end goal? The question has me stumped. I guess... I'd really like that heart button next to my posts to show a number above 5? Waiiit... NO! BAD! That's not what this is about!

Let's be serious for a moment. Social media recognition is such a bittersweet high. It is a fleeting moment that doesn't bring you much unless you sit down and put in the hard work it takes to grow your content and, in the end, yourself - into something bigger.

What I truly desire is opportunities, though. I want to toss myself into my passions and see other people's reactions. I want to express my love for specific things or even other artists and revel in that love with them. I dream of doing collaborations and other fun things, but if I don't 'stan' myself first, who will?

My loved ones and friends, maybe. But they can only do so much.

It's an uncomfortable feeling when you face the fact that your future is in your own hands.

So I'm floating on this little makeshift boat in a sea of unknowns trying to build a sail out of self-love. Unfortunately, its canvas has tobe woven first, and it's a struggle.

I'd say my canvas is growing though, there's some fraying here and there, but I'm proud to say I think I got the foundation. Sure there are the monthly holes I tear into it, and once a week, I grab metaphorical scissors and want to cut it into nonexistence, but that's life.

I just need to calm down and focus on something else, so I'm trying to look at everything's positives.

It's all part of learning now; there are no setbacks.

So let's focus our eyes on the problems at hand.

What is a good platform for my content?

What is the end goal?

How well do I handle multiple platforms at once?

On finding the right platform:

I wish I had the answer. I was a social media manager for half of the last decade before I took a break. Man, I'm suffering from that break.

It's overwhelming.

I think I have to figure out which platform I like to traverse the most because to cultivate a feed - I have to consider some other parts as well:

How do you use a platform?

I have occasional spurts of energy and time where I will sit down and schedule some stuff, but I doubt attacks again the moment I look at the text box. I am well aware that it's a secondary job to fight against social media algorithms. So let me evaluate my issues for you!

I need to engage. I'm so ... new to this. I question my every move to the point where I'm stifling myself again.



I need to stop worrying about what others might think of the meme I've been giggling over for the past week and SHARE it!

Because if there is no activity on my feed, then it looks like I've abandoned my shit once again.

Why would someone else bother with me if it seems like I'm not even there? I need to get over my lurking.

Right after that, I need to foster relationships.

I realize that not only will you drown under the algorithm, but if you don't have anyone to talk to, then you are just shouting into a void.

Where are the feels, the friendships, the discussions?

Also, that means much less content to post - you can't just litter someone's feed with your advertising (I guess you can... but I doubt it'll keep people engaged)

From what I gather, it's a give and take. If someone takes the time to comment on my stuff, I try to do the same - the same goes for reposts/shares. It's challenging to figure out how you want to treat your 'timeline.' Is it a curated exhibit of your work? or yourself?

Is it a representation of yourself or how you want to be seen?

The pages/feeds I like the most are where artists live. Memes, banter, fangirling, etc. have it all gathered around their work to paint a full picture of themselves, which further elevates their content IMO.

So that's what I want to emulate as well.

But HO BOY, it's going to be a fine line to balance on!

Well, I'll try my best!

Anyway, to get back to the platform selection - it would be useless to try and work on a platform that I don't use a lot myself. This cuts out Facebook and, lately, Instagram as well. I don't have the mental energy for the upkeep of a facade of Instagram. I also noticed an uptick in my emotional well-being and social media usage - considering how 2020 is going, I don't need to fuel my anxiety by reading the news. So that kind of makes Twitter dangerous territory (especially with the trending bar on the side, endless kindle for the fire of my worries) So the exposure has to be taken in small doses to avoid burnout.

For now, I'm picking the following order (based on where I feel most comfortable being a weirdo)

Twitter > IG (or aesthetics) / FB (for my friends)

But that's just a social platform. This is where I'm going to shove my dustpan filled with my own trash (e.g., all my work)

Bruh - but where do you HOST content?

I mean, I know the answer - each of my hobbies could have it's own designated home that then should get eyes on it.

*eye-roll* that's an issue if you spread yourself thin across so many different things.

After all this rambling, I decided to focus on the general upkeep of one central social media platform and a supplemental alternative gathering spot for the breadcrumbs across other platforms.

That's going to be Twitter and most likely Patreon/This Blog for any thoughts longer than 280 characters.

I realized I let my Patreon slowly wither away to dust while I've been off to shape my blog into something new. I realized I want a spot to release some of my story content in a clean and organized manner.

So if you're going to see some of the filth I've written with AiDungeon, and the Twitch chat, keep an eye out on my Wattpad and Patreon.

That's what I mean to announce... I guess?

Aini on Patreon (All content is pretty much free, it's donation based) Ainiwaffles on Wattpad (Has NSFW stories so watch out for the story tags lol)

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